Not Worrying
Functioning showers are a blessing—one that far too many people take overlook. Today, like yesterday, began with a bird bath: me frantically scooping water that was dripping from the faucet. I don’t know whether it’s water pressure or something in the pipes, or an underground plot contrived by genetically modified rats planning to take over the world, but one thing’s for sure: it’s a real bummer. And when I say “bummer” what I really mean is “fucking mess that inspires angry and irrational feelings.”
Whoo. Glad I got that out.
There’s not much in life that’s as irritating as a dripping faucet or an overdraft fee, and I got both today. These combined with my stagnant music career and lack of 4-year success plan naturally caused me to question my entire existence and purpose in this crazy world.
A friend of mine reminded me that I shouldn’t quit: not because if I persisted people would care, but rather because if I didn’t persist, no one would care. It was more encouraging than I make it sound. It’s pretty true. No one gives a damn if you quit.
So, here are the facts: I’m an art major, mastering in French Literature and my true passion is music. I’m eventually going to have a real job, because I’m not very lucky, and the chances of me winning the lottery or discovering a rich dead relative are slim to none. If that did happen, or better yet—if I actually became successful at something—I would buy a vineyard, read and make music.
If anyone steals my ingenious idea, I will hunt them down and steal their books and burn their grapes.
So, I was thinking, either I take control of my life and believe that I’m in control (which is a pretty but deceptive idea) or I let go. Either I become a business major and drop the whole artistic thing, or I let go, have fun and let life lead me where it will.
Ok, so it’s lame and hardly philosophical, but it essentially comes down to just that. And since worrying gets you absolutely nowhere, I don’t see why I should start now. It’s hard enough to get anywhere when you’re NOT worrying. But still, even if I decide not to worry…how does that affect my life practically speaking? Do I still major in art? Does it matter? Does anyone out there have the answers???
Grargrahagr…
Not. Worrying.
